I realized the other day that part of why I love poetry is how it is honest, painfully so sometimes, but also gives so little actual information. I can be as sneaky and secretive as I like in a poem while still feeling that the honesty and truth is there.
So I made a plan to try to start writing more. More realness. More words themselves, but also more truth without the hiding.
So what do I want to say?
1. The lilacs are blooming, it feels like they come and go so quickly, so I will try to savor this small moment with them.
2. I have been more fragile lately. Starting out closer to the edge, so it takes less to make me fall over it.
3. My amazing daughter is officially registered for Kindergarten and I am delighted and afraid and excited to see all the things she will become. Mostly I think I worry about her having to become acquainted with some of the cruelties of this world before I want her to. I know she will have to know one day, but I wish that day wasn’t now.
4. We did an amazing amount of gardening yesterday. It was lovely and also way too much and I am tiered. I have a hard time resting when I need to. I want the people around me to tell me to rest so that I can do so without feeling any guilt. Truthfully there should be no guilt regardless of anyone’s permission. But I am where I am. And so I start from here.
5. It feels different carrying a boy than it did a girl. I am more aware of my own emotions because the last thing this world needs is another man who grew acquainted with rage so early.
I enjoy lists. They make it feel so much more manageable. Perhaps this will catch on.